Kevin — February 27, 2008, 7:55 pm

Please Hammer Don’t Hurt ‘Em

Well, it’s been a month, and it’s been quite a ride. I’m still trying to wedge everything into my new apartment, ruthlessly throwing out stuff that I had previously deemed “essential” (goodbye, upside down shot machine…) or trying to sell or give stuff away. My TV stand is getting donated on Saturday (it’s too big), my favorite speakers are currently on CraigsList (I’m now using pathetic little bookshelf speakers for my TV) and STILL there are boxes everywhere.

To top it off, I’ve been fighting a cold that has reduced my head to a leaky faucet – I’m blowing my nose every ten minutes. That’s adding another level of irritation to my already frustrating “dance of the boxes” that I do on a daily basis – move this box there to make way for this thing, then move the thing over on top of the box, then move both things into the bathroom to make way for two more boxes that need to be opened, re-arranged, sorted and split into three boxes. For a guy who’s in the business of designing efficient workflows, it’s maddening.

On Sunday, it all kind of came to a head – I’m out of room, I can’t breathe, there’s goop pouring of my head every fifteen seconds… I close the bedroom door to make room for another box and there’s a “click” sound as it locks.

Now, WHY the bedroom door has a lock on it, I’ll never know. But the keys are, of course, nowhere to be found. It’s 10pm so calling the Superintendent is probably not going to work – and it’s not like he’s going to know where the keys are, because they were originally in the bedroom door lock (and I had of course moved them somewhere). I kind of just… snapped.

I look to my left and lo and behold, there’s my trusty hammer, sitting on the radiator, glowing in angelic light. I think to myself “I don’t know why there’s a lock of my effin’ bedroom door, but I’m taking it off and I’ll just get a new damned doorknob without a lock! Raargh!” and then I proceeded to take a mighty (frustrated) swing at the stupid doorknob to knock it off.

Now, generally, doors are big heavy wooden things that can take a beating. Well, not here in this 160 year old apartment – like the bedroom wall, it’s not “original”. It’s some after market tacked on paper thin dealie that basically explodes as the lock gets hammered. After a few blows, the doorknob was off, and the door looked like someone had fired a shotgun blast into it.


Yeah, I know, I know. Dumb.

Anyhow, I’ve got a new doorknob from the hardware store and I’ll patch the hole with a 12″x 12″ thin sheet of veneer or thin plywood or something, tack it down and hopefully it won’t look too bad. I’d rather not call the building manager and say “hey, in a fit of rage I bashed a hole in the door, can you replace it?” just yet – I’ll just quietly fix it myself.

Aaah, well.

Anyhow, my internet is finally up so now I can chat with the family back home, like I did last night!


God love iChat, even though I’m on the other side of the continent, a slightly pixelated chat with my family is but a simple click away.

Shona was a lovely houseguest, she seemed to enjoy New York, had some fabulous ideas about home decor, and she’s returned to Canada. Tomorrow sees the arrival of visitor number two – Brandon, fresh from London, ready to spend his his hard earned Investment Banker dollars!


I’m sure we’ll do some exploring of the local watering holes this weekend. In fact, I’m sure we’ll explore a few dozen.


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  1. Comment by OlderThandirt @ February 27, 2008, 9:46 pm

    1. Where’s LaLa. Missed her on last TikiBarTV episode?
    2. Plasticwood works great. Need sandpaper to finish job along with paint.
    3. Pray. Get down on your knees and say thanks for the Landlord not visiting yet!

  2. Comment by pyrofenix @ February 29, 2008, 7:32 am

    Heh, gotta love google adsense. You can buy yourself a new door lock!

    I’ve had those moments of rage – did you turn green and muscley too?

  3. Comment by Baked Pajamas @ March 3, 2008, 5:22 pm

    You New Yorkers sure are an angry lot…

  4. Pingback by » Blog Archive » Shotgun Hole No More @ May 26, 2008, 9:17 pm

    […] finally figured out how to repair the damage done to my bedroom door in my fit of Hulk-like rage. I’ve been on the prowl for something thin to cover the door with so I could drill a new […]

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